


Gentle Flicker Flame (I will always let you down)

by KawaiiKitsuneGirl



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Azreal's Blade, Big Brother Amenadiel (Lucifer TV), Crying Lucifer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Just hug the devil please, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Lucifer Needs a Hug, Lucifer gets a hug, MY BAE, S2Ep15, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 08:43:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18913495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KawaiiKitsuneGirl/pseuds/KawaiiKitsuneGirl
Summary: Episode Tag S2Ep15Love? Chloe had never loved him. It had all been a lie, sold to both of them by a God that didn’t care





	Gentle Flicker Flame (I will always let you down)

Lucifer kept his eyes straight ahead, staring solemnly at the wall of the lift as it ascended towards where his mother and brother were waiting for him. Depending on him.

He looked down for a minute, wondering if the doctor had really been right and that what he needed to fuel the blade was his pain and sorrow, but he was unwilling to dwell on the thought for long, especially as he was already dreading the quickly approaching moment of reckoning.

Could he do it? He didn’t have a choice.

The door pinged open, and he strode out confidently, with only the lack of his signature smirk betraying his emotions to his family.

“Are you sure this will work?” his mum asked, red lips pursed into a sceptical line as she pressured him, and Lucifer pushed her away.

“I don’t know yet, why don’t you let me try,” he shot back, picking up the blade and holding it out in front of him as the voices of Amanadiel and his mother subsided.

He forced back any doubt, and stared hard at the blade, letting out a calm breath and letting down the barriers he had been keeping around his emotions for weeks. He was mostly hopeful that the thought of his mother’s betrayal would do it, and so Lucifer filled his head with thoughts of the fateful meeting with her and Maze, remembering how the weight of the words had fell so heavily onto his shoulders until he crumbled against the wall of the bar, and how it had felt to have his faith in her reformation of character disintegrate into nothingness.

She had kept it from him. She had manipulated him. She had hurt him.

She had told him that what he had with Chloe wasn’t real.

Unwittingly, memories of the time he had had with Chloe in the Before began to fill his mind; the memory from the end where she had kissed him a second time and told him it was real, the way her eyes gleamed when she figured out another clue for a case, her anger when he did something out of line. He remembered how it felt to hug her, her warm body pressed tightly against his until he couldn’t help but feel comforted, how her head fit neatly against the muscle of his shoulder, the scent of coconut shampoo filling the air.

 

He remembered the first time they’d met, a crime scene where he had been so full of bravado and unearned confidence, and she had punctured his ego by simply turning him down, turning him away, intriguing him. Lucifer had never thought it would end up like-

He could never have it again. Worse, nothing he knew was real, it was all just some trick of his father’s to escalate His plan.

Lucifer felt his eyes well up slightly, and tried to force them down, but he was too lost in memories of how he and Chloe had been (Should have been, and never could have been) where they walked on the beach, and she laughed when he brought her takeaway food, and smiled up at him when he remembered her middle name and coffee flavour.

Who would have thought that it would be the domestic side of love that he would miss?

No, no, not love. It had all been a lie, sold to both of them by a God that didn’t care, and his lip began trembling a little, no matter how hard he tried to bite it back.

Chloe had never loved him. He might love her, but she had never had a choice in the matter. She didn’t pick him, she was forced to pick him and how could he have been so stupid? Of course she wouldn’t pick him, he was the devil and evil incarnate.

She deserved better. Like Dan.

The blade burned softly in front of him, but he couldn’t help the small sobs that clawed their way through his throat, reaching around the strange blockade that lurked in the middle of it and emerging from his mouth in little whimpers and small cries of pain.

He couldn’t do it anymore. 

The blade went out.

He collapsed against the piano, feeling his body trembling under the onslaught of emotions he’d subjected it to, and reached out with shaking fingers and suspiciously damp eyes for the bottle and the glass on the side of the bar. 

He was definitely feeling enough.

Dimly, Lucifer was aware of Mother striding off, but there was a dim, blurry cloud that had settled across his vision and wouldn’t go away, not even when he downed the glass in one swallow that did nothing to alleviate the burning sensation in his eyes and throat (although the second could have been because of the alcohol in fairness).

“Lucifer? Lucifer, are you okay?” he recognised Amanadiel’s voice, and warm hand resting on his shoulder, and he smiled bitterly.

“N-No,” he responded, bracing himself heavily on the counter and ignoring how his hand still shook as much as his lips did.

“You don’t look okay,” Amanadiel shot back, and Lucifer smiled weakly, the expression failing him almost instantly.

“I’m going to be fine,” he insisted, shoulders hunching up as he leaned forwards slightly, his hands rising to cover his face. “I-I’ll be fine,” Lucifer whispered, voice breaking as he said his last word and the tears beginning to fall down into his palms.

________________________________________

Initially, Amenadiel hadn’t thought Lucifer was going to be able to do it this time. Or any time at all, for that matter. There had been nothing in the way that he approached the task that made him suspect that anything was actually going to happen, so he was somewhat surprised when flames began to gently burn on the short dagger.

He was going to ask how Luci had done it this time, but then he glanced up and was truly shocked this time to see his younger brother’s eyes wet with unshed tears, pain gleaming off of them as he stared at the blade. It had been a long time since he’d seen Lucifer cry, and it was never expected, not even when they were children.

Lucifer’s breathing turned ragged, hitching slightly as he let out a breath, and Amenadiel watched helplessly as his brother’s mouth wobbled in place, a crease appearing in his eyebrows and for a second the angel was truly afraid that his brother was about to break down in tears. 

The fire flickered down into nothing, and the strange sense of calm seemed to fade away into nothing, abruptly broken by their mother’s insistence that Lucifer needed to feel more and try harder.

“That’s all I’ve got!” Lucifer practically yelled, his breathing still emerging in raggedy whispers of a sob, and Amenadiel had to step in, stopping Mother from pushing Lucifer any harder, even as the latter braced himself on the bar, sword still clutched in one hand and sobs barely restrained from emerging.

“I’m not broken, the- sword must be,” Lucifer claimed bitterly, throwing it down onto the counter and closing his eyes tightly. Amenadiel studied him with concern, noting the fine tremor lines running through his frame, and quietly agreed, placing a comforting hand on his brother’s shoulder.

Beside them, Mum walked off, and Lucifer poured himself another drink, swigging it down in one gulp. Amenadiel kept his hand where it was, softly stroking Lucifer’s shoulder, and so it was easy to tell when the shaking became more pronounced and Lucifer couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.

“Luci, it’s okay. Come here,” Amenadiel comforted quietly, pulling his brother away from the bar and towards the comfortable chairs around them. They sunk down into one, and Lucifer leant forward and let his head rest in his hands as he let out a quiet sob.

Amenadiel felt useless as he hovered next to his sorrowful brother, but gingerly took a seat next to him and placed his arm fully around Lucifer’s frame.

“Hey, Lucifer. It’s going to be okay,” he muttered eventually, hating the cliché phrase but unable to think of a better way to phrase it.

“H-How will it ever be okay?” Lucifer asked quietly, sniffing and looking up with reddened eyes from his hands. There were tear tracks marking their solemn paths down his cheeks, and Amenadiel couldn’t help but pull him closer, until he was practically resting in his lap.

“We’re family. We’ll help you get through,” he promised, and Lucifer didn’t respond, simply looking down, and Amenadiel gently clutched Lucifer even closer and forced him to rest his head within the circle of Amenadiel’s arms. 

“I don’t know how,” the younger admitted, and Amenadiel felt warm tears begin to prickle through the shoulder of his shirt as Lucifer cried harder, and all he could do was hold his brother close and pray that he wasn’t going to shatter into shards of his former self. Amenadiel had always known that Chloe was going to break Lucifer, he’d just never foreseen the role he would be forced to play in it as well.

“We go on living,” Amenadiel responded, and rested his head on Lucifer’s dark hair where they lay together, closing his eyes and remembering a time where they had had peace and no evil. Peace, pure goodness, and a family who cared for one another and didn’t hurt each other like Dad had done to both him and Lucifer.

Eventually, it seemed as though Lucifer had exhausted himself, and the shuddering gradually grew less and less until the man was simply lying there, the two of them against the world.

Amenadiel wondered if he ought to put Lucifer into his own bed, since the latter’s breaths had evened out, but he didn’t want to risk him waking up again and realising all the problems of his life again. Knowing that he would have to face that every time they needed the blade.

No, it was much better to leave him asleep.

Amenadiel shifted slightly to draw his head closer to the cushion behind him, and fell asleep right after Lucifer, with limbs carelessly strewn on a red bench sofa and arms wrapped comfortingly around each other.

Amenadiel was going to be the protector that he was supposed to be for once, and protect Lucifer. 

Because he deserved it.


End file.
